Health Forum

Hi girls
I was nearly 11 weeks pregnant and woke up today to find I had bled a bit in the night, not fresh red blood but old brown blood and had no pain or cramp. I rang the midwife who said probably nothing to worry about but to go in to the early pregnancy unit at hospital - I rang them but they were busy and couldn't see me so me and my boyfriend decided to go for a private scan as we were so scared, this being our first baby. We hadn't had a scan yet. Well I went in for the scan and I could see the screen above me and as soon as he put the ultrasound on me I knew, there was a black floating floppy sack like a dead fish, certainly not an 11 week baby and no heartbeat. I said 'this is not good' and the doctor very gently explained that the baby had been there but had died, most probably at 8 weeks, but as it was a 'missed' miscarriage I had continued to have morning sickness, mood swings, sore breasts etc and hadn't known anything was wrong. I was given a few choices, to let nature take its course, which might mean waiting weeks, or to have the pregnany removed, I chose to do that and am going in tomorrow for a general anaesthetic to have it taken out. Obviously we are both devastated. I am so shocked and angry and most of all sad because although this was only a few weeks in, I had started to get excited and to love my baby and we had told our parents and a few close friends.
My question is this...please ladies if you have had this happen to you can you tell me how you coped and whether or not you have gone on to have a healthy baby? More than anything I am scared that this is not a one off, that I did something wrong, that I am being punished for somthing. Although my boyfriend has told me, I did everything I could, I still feel so frightened that this will happen again and again and I will never be a mother. I am only 28, I am not overweight, I stopped smoking and drinking and came off some antidepressants I had been taking, I ate well and went to be early, I exercised, I saw the midwife when I should...I feel like I did it all and yet there was nothing I could do the baby died anyway.
I would feel so so much better if any of you could tell me that this happened to you, and now you have a baby. When you started trying again, how you coped with the fear, how you got on with your life...this seems huge to me right now I don't know how I will get through it. this morning I was a mum to be, now I have nothing.
thank you.
X

This is not your fault..Don't blame yourself.... This happens to healthy women all the time.

I know it's very unsatisfying to hear "everything happens for a reason", but our bodies are very unique..it knows when the baby is not developing right...

You will get pregnant again, and have a healthy baby! Don't beat yourself up...

i know too how you are feeling except i had literally no idea what was in store for me i have a healthy 2 yr old and yesterday was my 12 week scan, we were so excited my partner i and our son, only on the screen the baby was asleep, no heartbeat. iam devastated, if u want to inbox me you can iam due to have my op on monday as i just couldnt face giving birth. :(

I am so sorry to read what happened. My heart goes out to you. Sadly it is one of those tragic things that can happen. I read that the baby stops developing usually because there is something wrong with it and it is not going to go full term. It is nothing you did or didn't do. Missed miscarriages are so sad but most women who experience them go onto having a healthy baby afterwards. It is nothing you did though. Have a look at this website it may give you some answers.
www.womens-health.co.uk/miscarriage/mi…

xx

I am really sorry to hear about your loss.
i totally understand how you feel. i myself had a miscarriage 7 weeks ago and see when i spoke to my doctor he said the baby probably died at 4 weeks and that's why when the hormones detected in urine would of started lowering so by the time i did a HTP test,my doctor at first said i had missed my period due to stress and wait till you miss the next one.and i did miss the next one so he did a blood test only to find the hcg levels too low for my gestation and said to go back after easter holidays if i hadn't already miscarried to do a scan and sure enough on easter sunday i miscarried - and boy i was so angry especially as my doctor was so insensitive(he is a male). but shockingly enough did a random pregnancy test as found an unopened one lying in my bathroom cabinet and it was positive.doc confirmed it yesterday, so that just shows anything can happen! im about 5 weeks pregnant and haven't had a period since miscarriage on april 4th. but because of that miscarriage they(doctors)are taking extra care by giving me extra scans and appointments. but don't think it was anything you did usually a miscarriage happens because there was a problem with a dna chromosome.that was my second miscarriage(i had one between my first and second child) and i always think what if!
but good luck and baby dust!xx

I am so sorry for your loss :-(

They say that 1 in 3 women will miscarry at one point in their lives. I personally can tell you that all of my friends and family members have experienced this, except 2. I have ALOT of friends. I can't imagine what you are going through but please don't blame yourself. Talk to your dr about when you can start TTC again, I wish you all the best.

First off I am sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. 2 years ago I had a missed miscarriage and went to get a d&c done. Which your getting done. I remember I told family and everyone was excited. {Scan day} I remember the day exactly. I was with my partner and our first born son who was 2 years at the time. I was all excited waiting for my scan to get done. So done the normal thing when lying on the electric chair etc.. As soon as the screen popped up I knew there was something wrong. Because the scanner was searching or rather looking a bit too long. obviously being a mum of one I knew how long it should take to find the baby. low and behold they told me that the baby died at 9 weeks. Yes I was devastated, it was the most heartbreaking thing that can happen to any woman. You feel worthless, you feel like your body cannot handle having a baby - But let me tell you something, yeah I haven't gotten over it, no mother I think ever truly will. But in a way nature took it's course, there had to be a reason why this pregnancy didn't continue it's path and also see it from this way, Your body is telling you "I would rather have a healthy baby, than one where there will be difficulty during and after pregnancy, so I'm sorry mate, only healthy babies in this body" that is how I coped, because at least your body doesn't want a unhealthy baby, it wants the opposite. The only time you should worry if it has happened more than 3 times. I heard if you have miscarried your chances of having a successful pregnancy next time is higher than average. And I can prove that. Yes I had a missed miscarriage, I was devastated, 2 years down the line, me and my partner thought to try again and now I am 17 weeks pregnant! I still worry at every scan and worry how our baby is doing, don't, but you just can't because if mummy worries, baby worries. Not Good! Hun you don't have to wait 2 years and you can start again whenever you like! It is hard and time will heal them few cracks, because second baby can never replace first baby. But once you do have a newborn in your hands, it will be the greatest achievement ever, knowing that you had a successful pregnancy second time round.

Family wise, they are there for you, to support you. You never know someone in your family might of went through that. So at least you have someone to talk to.

And lucky you you had the brown spotting, I had no signs of a miscarriage. So imagine my surprise.

Anything else, email or add details hun. I will answer. I'm on my phone and my battery is running low!, so when I get home later i'll get on my laptop. Hope I helped you today.

First off I am sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. 2 years ago I had a missed miscarriage and went to get a d&c done. Which your getting done. I remember I told family and everyone was excited. {Scan day} I remember the day exactly. I was with my partner and our first born son who was 2 years at the time. I was all excited waiting for my scan to get done. So done the normal thing when lying on the electric chair etc.. As soon as the screen popped up I knew there was something wrong. Because the scanner was searching or rather looking a bit too long. obviously being a mum of one I knew how long it should take to find the baby. low and behold they told me that the baby died at 9 weeks. Yes I was devastated, it was the most heartbreaking thing that can happen to any woman. You feel worthless, you feel like your body cannot handle having a baby - But let me tell you something, yeah I haven't gotten over it, no mother I think ever truly will. But in a way nature took it's course, there had to be a reason why this pregnancy didn't continue it's path and also see it from this way, Your body is telling you "I would rather have a healthy baby, than one where there will be difficulty during and after pregnancy, so I'm sorry mate, only healthy babies in this body" that is how I coped, because at least your body doesn't want a unhealthy baby, it wants the opposite. The only time you should worry if it has happened more than 3 times. I heard if you have miscarried your chances of having a successful pregnancy next time is higher than average. And I can prove that. Yes I had a missed miscarriage, I was devastated, 2 years down the line, me and my partner thought to try again and now I am 17 weeks pregnant! I still worry at every scan and worry how our baby is doing, don't, but you just can't because if mummy worries, baby worries. Not Good! Hun you don't have to wait 2 years and you can start again whenever you like! It is hard and time will heal them few cracks, because second baby can never replace first baby. But once you do have a newborn in your hands, it will be the greatest achievement ever, knowing that you had a successful pregnancy second time round.

Family wise, they are there for you, to support you. You never know someone in your family might of went through that. So at least you have someone to talk to.

And lucky you you had the brown spotting, I had no signs of a miscarriage. So imagine my surprise.

Anything else, email or add details hun. I will answer. I'm on my phone and my battery is running low!, so when I get home later i'll get on my laptop. Hope I helped you today.

Hello Hun,

My Mum's 1st baby was still born back in 1969 I don't think they had ultra sound back then and they turned my Brother a few times whilst he was in her womb but then after a few days she couldn't feel him kicking and then it was discovered once he was delivered that the cord was around his neck and he had suffocated in the womb and sadly she had to deliver him I think that he was only a few months from his due date. After that my Dad bless him took over and yes it was horrible for them both and it tested them as you can imagine as a couple but after a year she had my eldest Sister Nicola, then my middle Sister Sacha and then Me (Emma). I don't have any children but my sisters all have children and I can only imagine what a horrible horrible torment you have both been going through.

I would suggest that you visit the doctors and rather than numbing the pain with pills ask for some CBT therapy it's a talking therapy to get out all of your emotions which will help you to eventually move forward towards a goal of trying to have a child once you are both feeling emotionally level.

I have not suffered the loss of a child but my partner did have a very very serious illness over Christmas 2007 and he nearly died, thankfully the Neuro Surgery team fixed the problem but it was a very stressfull time and although he was the one who was gravely ill I was also suffering the mental stress and emotional turmoil of the pressure. I have just recently finished a course of CBT therapy and that is why I am suggesting it to you as although the horrible anxiety is there some days and then not on others I have a whole box of emotionally healthy tools to regain my positive outlook on life and reduce my anxiety levels.

You will always remember your lost baby but after a while you will not feel as emotionally raw when you remember that horrible trauma and just because in the years to come you don't feel as wretched as you did when it happened when you think about it does not mean that you care any less about the lost child, it just means that you are healing.

I hope that you find comfort in each other and pull together as a couple, why not do something to mark that there once was a child that you were waiting for something special just for you two x

I hope that I have been of some help xxxxxxx
Take care of yourselves
M

It more than likely had nothing to do with you or your body, it simply was not your time to be a mother. The egg or sperm may have been defective. It happens, not everything matures like it should, and there is no reason to think that this will happen again. Wait 6 months, doing what you are doing now, take vitamins, no drinking, stuff like that, and try again. Oh yeah and stop stressing, you are young and having a healthy baby will happen. I would say that within 2 years you are going to have a happy healthy baby. Perhaps when you are pregnant again, you could have an ultrasound a little earlier in the pregnancy, to keep your nerves calm.


If you are really scared - take a fertility test after you have had a couple regular cycles - and see if everything is normal with you.

Oh my darlin ,what pain, of course you feel sad and angry, it is a death in the family, But there is nothing to say it will happen again, my Sister lost her baby, we were all heartbroken, but, bless your sweet life, inside three months, she was preggars again, and we all love her baby to bits. These things usually happen for a reason, altho it isnt easy to reason at the time, if you baby had been born with a disibilitiy, he/she would have been cherished, but life could have been hard, try to think in a positive way, never forget your lost love, but you are young and healthy, look toi the futurel, and all the best of luck xx