Health Forum

"He likes me, but seems lazy, lazy, lazy. Having not been brought up that way, I am clueless."

This is a poor attitude to begin with, you shouldn't berate a child because they don't live up to your standards, he needs to be taught. Teaching takes TIME. He's not going to get this stuff overnight, in fact it will probably take YEARS of gentle reminding. If you can't handle that then I suggest you postpone the blending of households until you learn to let go of some stuff otherwise no one in the house will be happy.

Also you have to get his dad on board with what you're trying to teach (apparently to both of them). If he's not supportive you won't win this battle.

it is going to take a while to teach him responsibility, because he isn't your biological son... just take that into account... also, if you ask him to set the table and he even gets his own cup, be thankful he did anything...

ya take ur fanny out n tell him he can touch it if he does wat he is told

It's not your job or place to be setting tasks for your BF's son. You are not his parent. If you're in that position, you need to direct the child's parenting back to the parents that gave him birth.

Dad sounds like he's abdicated the role -- perhaps out of guilt and confusion -- and needs to be dragged back in. It's much more effective than medication or trying to convince a child of a fantasy, i.e. that you are somehow his parent.

Unfortunately, this is a very common problem! But the problem is the adults' relationships, not the kid.

www.therapistlocator.net

why not instead of losing privileges he gains some or gains toys or sweets or something he enjoys, not every night try it every week, you can tell him what he will receive at the end of the week (make sure its something he really want) and you can make sure its all done properly ever night and if it isn't give him a chance to fix the mess or he doesn't get anything at the end of the week

I have one of my own and two steps. Needless to say mine is perfect......lol..... the youngest is a little thoughtless but a good kid overall who will do what's asked, without complaining but would never think to do anything on his own. The middle one.......well, to say the least, that one was stuborn and pulled the "you're not my mother, I don't have to listen to you". At the end of the day it's you're husband/boyfriend who'll have to make a decision.

Mine chose to back me. It's my home and I'm the adult. I work, I contribute to the bills and he agreed that the kid in question would not be allowed to run the house. She ended up moving back to her mother with the understanding that she could return when she wanted to live with our house rules.

You're the adult and you have the right to put your foot down however you'll probably have to compromise. For me, some of my deals are: if you want your laundry done, bring it to the laundry room and sort it. If it doesn't get there, don't expect it done. Put your dishes in the sink. I'm well aware that they'll never wash them but at least I don't have to search the house for them. Clean up the bathroom after yourself and tell me when somethings gone. I've got no time for running out of something because someone didn't say, "hey, I just opened the last bag of milk" or "Ketchup's almost empty"....

Blended families are tough but if he's worth it then you just need to keep telling yourself......they will grow up and go away, when we don't have to live together we'll probably get along great and it's hard for kids living with 2 sets of rules.......

Good luck.

well what my parents did was punish me if i didn't pick up, and reward me when i did. see the punishments dont have to be all that drastict. but enough to make him not want to be messy again. and the rewards... keep them simple, not too big but big enough to keep him clean and such. good luck and just remember, reward for good, punish for bad.